The orthodontist at Baker Street has a lovely, calm, pleasant manner. She explained what having a brace entailed, and said the whole realigning process would take around 18 months. What a relief – I had envisaged it taking years and costing a fortune. It's still not cheap, but it could have been so much worse. Certainly better value than a boob job.

I decided to go ahead.

The orthodontist and her nurse took x-rays of my mouth, then made me stand against a wall and grin like an idiot while the ortho took photos of the offending teeth.

Next, I had moulds made of my upper and lower teeth. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, the dentist loads some dental putty in a jaw-shaped mould and presses it on to your teeth. It only takes a few minutes to set. The lower jaw was no problem, but when the orthodontist did the upper jaw I started to gag. She explained a really neat trick to stop the gag reflex – move my legs alternately, in a "cycling" motion. It worked just fine. I was impressed.

Last of all came the first uncomfortable bit. The orthodontist squeezed elastic bands between my upper molars, to space them out a bit for the next stage of the proceedings. The spacers had to stay in for a week. This did feel really odd, and I was very conscious of them.

Still, I was on my way. The Big Change had begun.